After the birth of a baby, life will be a little different. Tatyana Leonov says that taking time out and asking for help are key.

Coming home with my first-born felt so peculiar. While in hospital, there was always someone around, but this was the first time it was just the three of us. My husband and I spent the first few days just staring at our daughter … between what felt like a never-ending cycle of feeding, burping and nappy-changing. We welcomed the continuous procession of visitors, but when the visits tapered off and the euphoria faded, the over-tiredness hit us like a freight train.

Jo White, a Melbourne-based social worker and counsellor who advocates for women navigating their way into motherhood, explains that post-partum care encompasses all aspects of physical and emotional wellbeing. “It is important to acknowledge that sometimes our expectations and beliefs about parenthood can be different to the reality,” she says.

Also vital, she adds, is that new parents have someone to turn to for help, whether a friend or a mental health professional. Or both. “The earlier you can reach out for help, the sooner you can be supported,” she says.

I was fortunate to not experience a bout of “baby blues” with either of my children, nor the more serious postnatal depression that affects around one in seven mothers (and an estimated one in 10 fathers). But I still needed help.

With my first-born, I sought advice-based information, and my mothers’ group and various helplines were wonderful sources. With my second baby, the biggest challenge was juggling the needs of two children.

“Sometimes there is the perception that, for a new mum, the second or third time will be okay because they’ve been there before, but it’s important to remember that every pregnancy, birth and post-birth experience is unique and that no baby is the same,” says White. “There are different pressures, expectations and commitments.”

Being time-poor had a whole new meaning for both my husband and me after the birth of our second child, and naturally the kids’ needs always came first. But eventually our sore backs caught up with us. “It’s a cliché, but the aeroplane analogy really is true,” says Belinda Joyce, a midwife and child health nurse and the author of Survive and Enjoy Your Baby. “Put your oxygen mask on first so that you can take care of your baby.”

White suggests that new parents carve out “me time” for themselves regularly and that they ask for help. “Self-compassion is very important and something many mums struggle with, and finding time for yourself can be a challenge,” she says. “But the sooner you can make having time for yourself a part of your daily routine, the better. And reaching out to others when you need it is a form of self-care.”

When our second baby arrived, we had guests over less often, spreading out visits so that we had more time at home to acquaint ourselves with the new family dynamics. My husband and I took turns looking after both kids so that we both had time to ourselves. And we worked on vocalising exactly what we needed to those who were willing to help. For us, this was mainly family and friends, but for other new parents this could also be health professionals.

“The latter could include midwives, maternal and child health nurses, general practitioners, obstetricians, lactation consultants, women’s health physios and more,” Joyce explains. “For mental health, PANDA, Beyond Blue and Medicare-subsidised visits to a psychologist are all valuable resources.”